As an update to the already inane narrative I’ve constructed around the installation of a goddamned DVD player, I did get it working. Or rather I drank a whole lot and then asked my boyfriend to do it while I made him a grilled cheese sandwich. I’d make a joke about being a bad feminist but I don’t think bad feminists are a real thing and it doesn’t count anyway, since I was just being supremely lazy.
Also, the Scooby Doo parody porn was a bust because Velma had a tramp stamp and sex with men which is just so absurdly inaccurate. I demand accuracy in my parody porn.