I’m conflicted about this drink. It’s basically just a gin & tonic with extra liquor, and I’m a big advocate of just throwing in an ounce of something extra to booze up a cocktail. But since it’s basically just a gin & tonic, that means there’s sugar in it, and I think I’ve probably made my fear of sugar abundantly clear. Whatever, SUMMER DRINKING.
This is one of those out-of-nowhere tracks that a well-versed poolside DJ will occasionally drop into a throbbing wall of David Guetta and Daft Punk like a palette cleansing spoonful of summertime sorbet. Fucking delicious.
People might argue with you and say that juice won’t get you fat, but I’ve got a bunch of chubby photos from when I first lived on my own and had unmitigated access to vodka crans that begs to differ. Fear of sugar necessitates vodka sodas, but sometimes I run out of soda, and by that time I’m usually too drunk to manage a martini. Hence, vodka waters making their graceless entry into my drinking repertoire. Believe me, I don’t enjoy sounding like a weight conscious mess anymore than you probably do reading about it. But this all transpired before I could even fathom that non-vodka beverages could be tolerated, let alone enjoyed, so let’s reserve our judgement.
This recipe is based on the fine bartending I performed last night, at our first attempt to invoke the spirit of summer with some scantily clad Summer Drinking. It’s really imperative that you consume a few double caesars while waiting on your dinner, for full effect.
Plan a summer themed party and dress accordingly. Realize you’ve forgotten to buy any mixer, but since you’re wearing what amounts to a denim diaper, refuse to flash ass cheek at Shopper’s to pick some up. Drink all the bourbon. Grab that sketchy looking lime in the tupperware jar and run with it (not literally). Get 3 old fashioned glasses, though only 2 are required. Discover there’s no ice left. Pour 2 ounces in each glass and maybe a few on the counter. Squeeze lime. Add some tap water. Drop one of the drinks in the sink. Play it cool, no one saw (they saw). Make another drink “stealthily.” Serve your guests warm tap water and vodka and pretend that’s a normal thing to do. Kick them out at midnight and fall asleep listening to Dude Ranch. Feel no shame because at least you were on the receiving end of those 4:30 texts for fucking once. Write a 300 word diatribe about it all and post it on your stupid tumblr.
Everyone’s been quoting Bridesmaids for a week and a half now, but this is probably my favourite moment in the movie. Though I’ve never been drunk and stoned on a plane, I can really to Kristen Wiig’s character and her inexplicable transition to 65 year old vaudevillian performer when she announces that she’s “ready to parrrrrrrrrrty with the best of them.” That hunched over, clap-clap clap is basically the bread and butter of all my dance moves.
Unfortunately I’m not Kristen Wiig, so when I reach that level of inebriation, I’m not funny, just pathetic.
Ever have a mimosa and think, “wait…I’m not at a fucking bridal shower, bring me a real drink”? Then the Manmosa is for you. I’m pretty certain I ripped this off from The Whip, but added more booze, like a sensible person. A lovely breakfast drink, the Manmosa pairs nicely with frozen McCain’s hashbrowns and burnt sausages.
Willingness to be recklessly drunk before noon
Get a biggish glass. Pour as much of the cider you can fit into it. Toss some ice in. Probably drop a bunch of cubes on the floor, but just kick them under the fridge because you rent and who really gives a shit anyway. Add at least an ounce of vodka. Add more. Drink a bit of the vodka/cider mix to make room. Splash some orange juice on top of that to pretend you aren’t a complete fucking mess. Check texts/twitter from the night before. Delete them. Repeat as necessary.
Tired of this total bullshit weather and extended winter? Looking for an excuse to drink even more? Perhaps you’d like to know a group of like-minded individuals in order to legitimize your abuse of alcohol?
We are determined to enjoy Summer Drinking in spite of that chill in the air. All Summer Drinking rules are effective immediately. Join us.
1) Day drinking is absolutely appropriate, encouraged and expected.
2) Just about anything is an acceptable reason for a caesar or manmosa. The sun came out for 30 goddamned seconds? Better make it a double to celebrate, and don’t forget a hefty splash.
3) Coug Juice is to be purchased by the box, chilled and available at all times.
4) Drinking your dinner is a totally healthy way to achieve that bikini body you’ve always wanted. Celery and olives will fulfill that all important “garnish” level on the Summer Drinking food pyramid.
5) Mini coolers are for (beach booze) lovers and perfect for stashing your conspicuously discoloured Sprite Zero.
6) A bottle of wine fits in a Big Gulp, so that’s good.
7) We don’t care if that pitcher of beer tastes like metallic piss, it’s one per person. Let’s not be stupid.
8) When possible, minimal clothing is suggested. The more you consume, the less you really need those pants anyway.
If summer never shows up, at least Summer Drinking will. Cheers!
This looks like a parody of every “quirky, sexy girl who doesn’t want a conventional relationship” got thrown in a blender with Cosmo sex tips and the whole thing got birthed all over the old Will & Grace set.
I’m going to get cable just for this, so I can drink every time I hate something about it, and legitimize my alcohol abuse.
It’s ironic that at the time Marvin Gaye was using his ‘white’ voice (as he referred to it) on a selection of Broadway show tunes, Dusty should use her ‘black’ voice on a cover of Gaye’s 1963 hit ‘Can I Get A Witness?’
Having tackled a Supremes number for her first album, Dusty decided to take a second crack at recording a Motown song with another Holland/Dozier/Holland outing. Dusty’s rasping vocals provide the call to the Breakaways’ response, with Dusty also pitching in on background vocals for the mono mix. From the pounding piano intro through to the fade, the song never lets up.
It’s a performance that other British female singers could only dream of.
The Band - Cripple Creek (crazypants* live version)
Normally, I only listen to this drunk so I can really feel "I swore as I took another pour/my Bessie can’t be beat," but I spent a solid 20 minutes with this on my way to work. Now I really wish I had a Bessie of my own to fix all my drunkard problems.